The Scavenger Hunt

I am all packed, so I suppose there is some finality in that, eh? Or at least enough for me to take the time to reasses and see where my head and heart are as of now with eyes cast backwards.


Well, I came here with quite possibly the most romanticized image of Europe/Spain ever. Which is wonderful. I often find and found myself lugging a skillfully packed suitcase, confidently eyeing over a map unafraid reflecting on the image of me in September, shaking I was so nervous, praying more fervently than I ever had, constantly checking for my wallet and barely holding the reins on my nerves. I think about the wide-eyed, untraveled excitement that flew out the train window and brought tears to my eyes riding through Southern France and how I touristed and was enchanted by Paris (love at first sight). I will never have her back.


I know that through this trip, I have gained so much. I am much more confident and competent. God and I communicate and I trust in what He says. I am beginning a life-time journey of exploring the parts of the world, of individuals, of culture that are so small, and so intricate, and attempting to understand what makes all it click together perfectly. I realise much more of who I am, what I want and where I come from, but have more drive and fire than ever to pursue my individual path inextricably woven with the lives and world's of others. I am on a search for home in a million places and am un-daunted by the thought of traversing the globe with a passport and youth to find it everywhere in little ways and construct or discover the secrets of my own soul.


I keep finding parts of myself in these places, I know, ridiculous - she spends a few days in Paris/Amsterdam and she is enlightened. But hear me out...


I did not like Barcelona as a whole. I love a lot about the city and have been beyond blessed to be here, but the city itself never got comfortable for me, it was always a bit on the itchy side and in many ways I felt out of place. Especially in my dorm, none of these faces became friends here. Outside of my relationship with Laura, Najeda and a few others, I kept my ties to Barcelona pretty minimal.


The scenery, yes I was moved by art and archictecture, but honestly, I never felt the warmth from people or a connection to them which I believe is absolutely central to loving a place past the first few honeymoon weeks of glee with the new. I never got over feeling shaky and helpless every time I saw a beggar. I never could get into the late night life and the proper eating times. Barcelona stayed on the surface of my skin.


But. Without a shadow of a doubt, my confidence was here. My independence. The fuel to my fire for what sort of life I want to lead. Never did I imagine that I would fall so in love with travel. That I would meet people from 10 different countries and sleep in their beds and eat their foods and share their lives.


Never ever ever did I imagine that I would spend ANOTHER semester abroad, that I would write a million letters and e-mails to make it possible. That I would be planning to travel to East Africa this summer. That the thought wouldn't daunt me to the point of meekness. My confidence, my globality was waiting here in Barcelona for me to come and pick it up. No where to be seen is the meek little girl who was terrified to walk to a store by herself, anxiously looking for Kapy and lost without a mobile phone. I am not the woman who came here. Fact.


I like to think of things like this. I like the thought that I am on a life long scavengar hunt to uncover aspects of my soul and to serve God. I like that I realise more about Love, that I was able to see His spirit embodied in so many ways I never would have predicted or imagined. I like that I want things I never thought I would and understand things that I never even considered before.



I like that I had time to rest (truly, completely, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally), that I saw beauty like I never imagined. I like that I learned to budget (I have an entirely new view on money and necessity and waste) and learned a lot more empathy. I like that I learned to appreciate little things and quiet space and let go (even more) of my emphasis on the unimportant (grade point average?)



I like that I saw new sides of people I loved. That I lost some of my closest bonds and was emotionally ravaged by it. I like that I had the chance to breathe Barcelona's air with The One I Love Most in the World and give him context for the stories I will tell and hopefully add another beautiful, perfect memory to our growing collection for years to come. I like that I spent more time speaking to myself and to Him than any individual. I like that.


So in the end, my eyes have been opened. And I have successfully retrieved an aspect of myself from Barcelona and I will keep going, keep searching and keep exploring (hopefully) until I die. The possibilities are endless. I do not want this trip to be something I file like a scrapbook as the memories and pictures become dimmer and dimmer. I want it to be the beginning of a sentece that will never be ...


Thanks for Tuning In.

With Love,


Jza