Again, But Much Different

I feel like this trip is going to definitely be something.

I would love to be wildly excited, but I'm not yet. In fact, I'm a bit cynical. A bit anxious. I go into this experience with a better idea of what lay ahead, but also moreso about what is left behind. The fact that I came back to America and felt like a stranger to people I used to love so much, that things inside of me changed so gently and slowly and gradually and irreversibly. I have a better idea about who will keep in touch...who will not...what I will miss...what I will delight to be free from.

With relief, the ones I am leaving behind and pining for this time around are few and far between, mainly family in the easy way that loving your kin and missing them sets your mind at ease -- because they will always be there. Nothing about their declarations of "I will miss you." or "I love you." is false. They will be there.

But, on the bright side. I am excited to see something my mind has no context for. A land that looks like it was made from dreams! I will be glad to explore. To breathe pacific air. To relax. To pick up a slight accent. To kiss JT on mountaintops and laugh as we race bikes like five year olds. To let go of the seriousness that finds its way into my soul here...the weight of grades, of money, of jobs, friendships, and worries, of school...to just cast it off and wade in sparkling water and smile more and more every day.

It's a singular opportunity.

I delight in the chane.

I savour the adventure.

I'm ready for it,

Janelle